Friday, February 06, 2009

Hierarchy of Gym Bags

People with the urge for upward mobility need to examine all aspects of the complete individual. As offensive as eating lunch in the break room, executives shun an individual who drags workout clothes around in rudimentary material. Obvious containers of clothes that do not fly are Wal-Mart sacks, and the not so obvious are mesh bags.

The perfect pitch is a hearty leather, rectangularish bag, which looks like it was made in the 13th century. Any bag less than 20 years old lacks pedigree. Having pedigree are men nearing retirement age, and they hold the keys to your progression. Recently, older gentlemen at the Y have passed down their gym bags. Recipients gain favorable locker locations, new squash partners, and secret meeting times.

Here is the deal. You need something leather, something old, and something rectangularish. The rectangularish must be petite, about eight inches tall, and twenty inches long, and have good structure; sides must be stiff enough to stand up on their own. A petite bag is not a Honda Accord; it’s a 3 series BMW: sleek, functional, and distinguished. The structure is the most necessary feature. The sides have to be rigid, which is a feat with older leather. Care must be taken when cramming items in the lockers: don’t collapse your bag; it could be catastrophic for your career.

Lastly, the condition of the leather is paramount. Get some nice leather conditioner to ensure that old, new look. You need some creases in your bag to show that you go to the gym on the required Mondays and Thursdays: Wednesdays are optional, and Fridays are out, that’s when real top notch workers cut out at lunch.

On the perfect example of a gym bag states: “The classic design and high quality leather of this Leather Gym bag will make going to the gym a pleasure.”

No comments: